coffee speak

I worked at Starbucks for about three years.

Three years of waking up at 4am and thinking it was normal. Three years of washing the same white polo and black pants almost daily. Three years of arranging and rearranging pastries in the pastry case, only to have someone come along and rearrange it to their own liking. Three years of green aprons and MUG awards and counting tips and grumpy morning people. Three years of correcting people when they tried to order a no-foam cappuchino. Such a thing doesn't exist.

I grew to be a bit of a Starbucks snob. You know, the baristas that give you a bit of attitude when you order something silly or ask for the wrong thing.

But I have to admit, before I got hired there, my coffee knowledge was limited to only knowing how to order the trendy caramel "frap", which I hated and thought had too much coffee in it. My friend and I used to ask for triple the syrup in our white mochas because they just weren't sweet enough. Our own "candy bar in a cup".

Now that I know how much sugar already goes into a white mocha, the idea of tripling that disgusts me. And I know better than to refer to anything as a "frap". And I can impress just about anyone when I go up to the counter and order my iced decaf single grande five-pump toffee nut breve light ice latte without skipping a beat.

But we all start somewhere, right? We all start out knowing just about nothing when it comes to the correct term for half whole, half non-fat milk. And that creme frappichinos don't have any coffee in them. And that decaf espresso shots still have just a smidgen of caffeine in them.

I've become that coffee illiterate customer once again. Now that I frequent Dutch Bros to visit Bobby and get myself a medium annihilator on the not-so-medium-heat days, I'm starting from scratch on my coffee speak. Breve now refers to a drink instead of just a type of milk. And blended drinks are actually blended. Different coffee company, entirely different coffee language.

I kind of like the challenge. I like asking questions and trying to figure things out and making connections in my head. Rather stimulating for someone whose usual daily conversations consist of more "ba"s and "dooka-dooka"s than anything else.

My dad always used to send us off to school saying, "Learn something new today!" Well, Dad, I'm doing you proud in my own little coffee way.