our cruisey-cruise

Yes, it was fabulous. Just as we expected.

We came back tanner, awake-er, and in-love-er. Meaning we enjoyed the occasional afternoon nap stretched out in the sun by the pool. Meaning we took advantage of the baby-free opportunity to "just be us". Amazing the talks you can have without a child there distracting you with a runny nose or demand for more apple juice.

The highlights of our trip? I thought I'd list them for your easy-reading and not-as-boring-as-writing-out-every-detail pleasure. Pictures included where appropriate so those of you who don't particularly care to hear about our trip at least have something to look at.

--Day 1: Getting onboard. Probably our number one highlight because we weren't as lucky on the last cruise we tried to take. I seriously wasn't comfortable until we sailed away from the dock, thinking they would still somehow cancel it. But once we'd left the harbor, I felt okay. Loved exploring the ship in all its non-cancelled-cruise-glory.

--Day 1: Stuffing our faces at the open buffet. Pizza, hamburgers, diet Coke a-plenty. I swear, that first all-you-can-eat meal was ridiculous. I think we really did eat all we could eat. Then waddled to our room afterwards for a nap. As if sleeping off all that food would help. It didn't.

--Day 1: Our muster drill, during which we got to dress up as floating traffic cones and try to squeeze onto the outer ship deck with hundreds of other cone-ish sweaty people. A joy, really.

--Day 1: Winning a free back and neck massage. A true highlight. When we first walked onboard, this cute little Philippino woman took my face in her hands and told me I was beautiful. How's that for a welcome, huh? Then she gave me a couple raffle tickets for the drawing that would be held at the spa later that evening. I freakin' won. I never win anything, so it felt hecka good. The massage was pretty cool, too. I really did start relaxing almost the minute our trip began.

--Day 1: Getting all dressed up for dinner. Ordering our first margarita. Watching the little "Welcome Aboard" show with several sub-par but super-smiley singers and dancers. But the theater was just amazing. So many little lounge areas and waiters asking what you wanted to drink and different levels of red-velvet-covered seats, I nearly cried at the sight.

--Day 1: Watching the after-dinner magic and comedy show. Crazy what that guy did with a handful of little yellow balls.

--Day 2: Waking up an hour late. Why was this fun? Because it means we slept so well, we didn't hear our alarm ringing every five minutes for an entire hour. I swear that boat just rocks you to sleep.

--Day 2: The San Diego Zoo. Yeah, it's a ton of walking up and down extensive trails that make you wonder where the animals actually are, but it was super fun. For a giraffe junkie like myself, it was well-worth our splintered shins and burnt shoulders. Seriously, though, I'm an addict. A fellow long-neck. I was actually nicknamed "GG" (for Giraffe Girl) in highschool because I'd wear the giraffe shirt I made pretty regularly. The front said, "Tall blondes need help." The back? "Save the giraffes!" Oh my gosh. There was a giraffe song and everything.

--Day 2: Working on our tans. Watching people walk around wearing bathing suits they really shouldn't have been wearing. Wearing our OWN bathing suits that we shouldn't have been wearing. Actually, mine is kind of cute.

--Day 2: Our formal dinner, and getting to recycle one of Candace's old bridesmaid dresses. Yeah, I was going to wear an old prom dress, but the dress Candace lent me actually allowed me to breathe. So I went with that one. Naturally. Beautiful, ain't we?

--Day 3: Catalina Island's Lovers' Cove Snorkel Tour. I could see our ship from where we snorkeled. I could also see this really awkward guy who kept talking to me and calling me an angel but saying I made him nervous then asking me to zip up his wetsuit for him the minute Marty went over to the lockers. Guess the fish weren't the only things that freaked me out that afternoon.

--Day 3: Shopping along Catalina's little beachfront walkway. I bought a three-dollar magazine that one could find in just about any grocery store. I didn't buy a forty-dollar shirt that looked better on the hanger.

--Day 3: Attending an art auction based on the promise that we'd be served free champagne for warming a seat cushion. Didn't get the bubbly. We did, however, nearly warm our seats with pee, etc., when the auctioneer told Marty that because he scratched his nose at the wrong time, he was put down for a $48,000 bid on a Peter Max. Right. Because if we had $48,ooo, we'd totally be spending it on an ugly painting. Good thing he was joking. We should have gotten free champagne for getting picked on and laughed at.

--Day 3: Buying cheap crap just because we felt like it. We each picked out a new watch at the ten-dollar sale. Mine cost $20 because I had to get it re-sized. Poopy pants. Though it is nice to now realize how stupid I look when I ask for the time and someone points out that I'm wearing it on my wrist.

--Day 3: Our waiter dressing up like Batman to serenade us. Everyone else just balanced plates on their heads. We got the superhero! We probably needed the super-human help after the three appetizers, three entrees, and two desserts Marty ordered. Hey--free food, right?

--Day 3: A midnight chocolate buffet. Some serious desserty goodness. Some serious weight gain. But we had fun taking our treats back to our room and enjoying them while watching "Enchanted". Though according to Marty, we watched "Die Hard". He'd never see a movie with singing cartoon chipmunks and Patrick Dempsey in it.

--Day 4: Ensenada. A big Mexican flag. And a sun so bright, we were barely able to snap a picture before our eyes melted.

--Day 4: Rock-climbing on the ship's rock wall. Being the newer climber myself, I liked the idea of easy-to-grip holds and wearing a harness. Imagine my surprise when one of the guys running the ropes told me I should enter the Adult Speed-Climbing Competition. What the heck, right? So a couple people laugh at me. I was promised a free key-chain for participating. Marty signed up with me, and we both walked away with silver medals! I guess I was the second-fastest female climber on the ship, and Marty the second-fastest of the guys. We even got free t-shirts along with our key-chains. What what! Not that we're proud about it or anything.

--Day 4: Marty tripping while walking down the stairs to which I yelled, "What an IDIOT." It was hilarious. But what was funnier was Marty trying to return the favor when I did something embarrassing, and there being two little kids standing right there who looked horrified at him speaking to me so rudely. We laughed until we cried and had to pee.

--Day 4: Trying to share our own little "Titanic" moment, by watching the sun set at the front of the ship. Not quite as romantic as we planned, with sticky salty hair and flapping earrings. But the idea was just perfect, and the couple minutes we lasted were gems.

--Day 4: Comedy night with Troy Thirdgill. My favorite joke of his? "I've never understood why people refer to me as 'colored'. Who came up with that? Probably some white guy. How does he know he wasn't 'erased'?"

--Day 4: Hitting up the club for a couple drinks and the idea of dancing. But since there were only about three people on the dance floor, and a certain husband refused to groove with a certain wife, we sat there awkwardly, didn't finish our white russian and vodka shot, and left to go get what little sleep we still could before waking up at six the next morning.

--Day 5: So sleepy. Big breakfast. Goodbye ship. Goodbye thirty-three different foreign accents. Goodbye little towel animals and tiny stateroom. Goodbye best sleep we've ever gotten. Goodbye stingy-water shower. Goodbye adventure. Goodbye favorite vacation ever.

--Day 5: Seeing our little Goobs for the first time in about a week, and watching his face light up when he realized it was really his Mama and Daddy. That we hadn't forgotten about him, and came home after all. Poor thing would carry our picture around the house while we were gone, pointing to us and whining. It felt good to be missed. Felt good to come home to the runny nose and apple juice demands, knowing our son was ready to pick up where we left off.

Whew! So we're home and recooped and regrouped and rebooped. Meaning we feel good and the trip served its purpose. A great time was had by all.

Except maybe for the elephants in San Diego that didn't appreciate us capturing them at so rude an angle. What can I say? We're just our own little couple of elephant butts ourselves, so I thought it was appropriate. Maybe not.

Well from one rear end to another, hope you find yourself an equally wonderful vacation someday, awkward bathing suits, superhero waiters, burning eyeballs, and all.