I know I don't quite look my age. I don't have to be reminded.
My whole life I've dealt with people thinking I'm younger than I actually am. I can remember being offered a kiddie menu as a teenager. I can remember people confusing me with my younger sister because they just couldn't believe that I was the older sibling. I cried at my bachelorette party because a loud-mouthed onlooker accused me of being too young to get married, claiming I looked twelve, and that she hoped it ended in a divorce. And you better believe that any time I try to buy alcohol or order a drink, I get the weirdest looks. I'm carded every time, and have even had my license checked to see if I was toting a fake ID. I look THAT young.
And just today, in the Dutch Bros drive-thru, I was asked if I was on my way home from school. As in high school. Maybe the baby talking in my truck's backseat wasn't clue enough, so I said, "I don't go to school. I'm a mom." Of course, I got that "too bad you got knocked up before your senior year" look.
I've mentioned this frustration before. But I never really explained why a trait that others would envy has always bothered me so much.
See, I was diagnosed with my Crohns disease at the end of my sixth grade year. So while all my friends were going through their crazy growth spurts, my body had stopped growing altogether. It kind of took a couple years off, as it worked on fighting the inflammation in my intestines and adapting to all the medication I was taking.
It kind of made me bitter watching my buddies buy their training bras and shaving their legs, while I was stuck in "little girl" mode. Sure, I caught up later, but know that even that one year affected me for a lifetime. I would have been taller. I probably would look my age. And it makes me mad that my illness took that from me.
I know I'll be thankful for my youthful appearance someday, but for now I find myself fighting it. I wrestle over what outits make me look too juvenile. I've tried several different haircuts over the years to see what added that little bit of maturity to my look. I've mastered the art of flashing my wedding ring to prove that I'm married. That I'm legit. My best friend is three years older than me and somehow, when we're out together, she makes me feel like I look more "mom-ish".
But hey, years down the road, I'll get to be that "hot mama" that I've always wanted to be. I just better look older than the little girlfriends my son brings home!
9 comments:
I've known you a long time Becky and anyone who knows you knows that you have always been mature and wise beyond your years and by that very nature alone makes you look older than your actual age to those who know you, and you're right about it being a total blessing ten years from now when you'll look still look 23...hey, if you didn't look "old enough", how else are you able to pull off being with such an old man...haha
You're so cute! I've gotten the same thing my whole life as well. Haven't gotten it for a little bit though, and the waitress the other night didn't even check my id when I ordered a margarita - it made me sad.
Embrace it Becky, youth is a gift!
i feel you. you can understand the repeated comments i get about my height. ANNOYING! and, believe it or not, some people think i look pretty young, too! so maybe it's a palm thing instead of just a chroner's thing (not that chroner's didn't play a part - i'm sure it did...)
seriously...so glad i found your blog (from the comment you left on mine) and now i wish redding wasn't so far away! our boys are so close and honestly, i just felt a connection to your words (as cheesy as that sounds!). you've been bookmarked! :-D
I understand how you feel Becky. Maybe not the Crohn's part but, the baby face, yes. I am 23 years old and people think I am 15. When I lived in NY this summer, people constantly thought my ID was a fake when I tried to get in bars, especially since it was an out-of-state ID, they'd always give me these "I'm not sure" looks. People at work even call me "the baby" and joke about how I'm 15 or 16 years old. It can be very frustrating often, as my 19 year old cousin looks like she's 25 and I'm always mistaken as younger next to her. But I know that there is a purpose for it, a reason, ya know? We just don't know what it is yet, but we will find out. I like to think that everything happens for a reason, the ways that we are made are for a certain reason, and although WE don't know what they are, we will eventually :).
I love you.
None of us can share in your Crohners but I guess we've all had our different versions of age confusion scenarios. Becky, you are beautiful, just as you are. Even though we don't know why, God allowed you to go through your rough time and heck, connected you with your AMAZING husband who first bonded with you over medical issues. Maybe that would have never happened otherwise!
And side note, I think your sassy shorter hair cuts make you look older. :)
Hey Becky. I met you at mops last year and came across your name on the stirring's website. I had no idea you had Crohns.... my little brother was diagnosed in 2002. It's good to see you are doing well, it's a tough illness I have seen through watching my brother's struggles. Hang in there, you are an inspiration.
Hey Becky. I met you at mops last year and came across your name on the stirring's website. I had no idea you had Crohns.... my little brother was diagnosed in 2002. It's good to see you are doing well, it's a tough illness I have seen through watching my brother's struggles. Hang in there, you are an inspiration.
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