In high school I used to dream that I was pregnant.
I'd be freaking out in my dream, wondering how I was going to explain my pregnancy to my parents. Especially because I had never even kissed a boy, let alone "done the deed". I remember feeling embarrassed that I had become just another teen mom. Another statistic. And then I'd wake up and remember that my little virgin self had nothing to worry about.
But I think these dreams planted a sort of self-consiousness in my head about legitimizing my pregnancies to people. And okay, I know I look a lot younger than I am. But why do I feel the need to make sure people know that my son was born inside of wedlock?
When I first got pregnant, I was super excited, and would gush to all my customers at Starbucks (I was a shift supervisor for three years), feeding off of their excitement for me. Really, I was just high pretty much all the time. But one morning, when I mentioned it to this guy who used to come in regularly and order his grande two-pump nonfat no whip mocha or whatever, he just said he was sorry. Was my huge smile not evidence enough that I was happy about those two pink lines showing up on the stick I peed on? He thought I was just a teenage girl who got knocked up by her boyfriend.
Ever since that moment, I found myself flashing my wedding ring whenever I told people my news. And once that baby bump started showing, I'd say, "Yeah, my HUSBAND and I can't wait to be parents." As if it was my responsibility to make sure everyone knows my kid is legit. That we did things the right way.
The stupid thing is, I still do it. I still make sure to mention that I'm married. Guess this is a part of motherhood I never knew I'd deal with, since I'm such a young mom to begin with but look even younger. But do people really care to know that I saved myself for Marty? Do people really need to know that I'm justified in my motherhood? In my mind, I guess they do.
So if you see me around town talking about how much my son looks like his father, my HUSBAND, or trying to get the light to hit my wedding ring so it sparkles and becomes blatantly obvious, just smile at my insecurity. I'm probably simultaneously making fun of myself in my head.
5 comments:
I know! Why do we always feel like we need to justify ourselves to other people?
But really, who cares what other people think? If they think you're too young that's their problem not yours. Don't let youself make other peoples issues your own. :)
As someone who works at a preschool where the average parent is the same age as MY parents, trust me, even if people are thinking "wow, she's young!" (married or not), it's a million times better than what I and a lot of my co-teachers think a rea regular basis of our parents, "Man, they're WAYYY too old to have a three year old! What were they thinking!"
I see my mom and think how awesome it is for her to be so young and done raising her kids. You're going to be in her shoes too 25 years from now and only be 48 (I think I did the math right on that)! Who cares if people think your married or not, what matters is you know you are and when you're sending your son off to college when you're 43 and all the other moms are going to be in their 50's (even 60's!) you'll get to rub your youthfulness in all their faces..."look no gray hair (and I don't even dye my hair to hide any)...no fine lines or wrinkles (and I don't even have to use creams or have any kind of awful evasive procedures to get rid of any)...that's right I'm the hottest mom here because all y'all waited til you were 30 or 40 to have your kids and look at you now...all those years you looked at me thinking 'she's too young'!" Ha!
Your so funny Becky, oh PS I missed you guys today at Turtle bay
Dude, I'm the same way. We had a playgroup here that had alot of those late 30's moms in it. There is nothing wrong with that, but i found that i was constantly being looked down on for being so young and a mother. No matter how long we were married. I mean i'm not a bad parent because i don't have a BA in education, or teach my child sign language. But i got my revenge. There kids don't talk at all, they just sign. No sounds out of a 2 1/2 year old. Maybe young parents do know a trick or too...
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