spiritual gifts

So we're talking about spiritual gifts at The Stirring right now.

And for me, having grown up in a pretty conservative church, this topic is a little foreign. I mean, in Sunday School they used to mention that God had given each of us a special talent that we'd get to use to better serve Him. But if it had to do with anything remotely supernatural, like speaking in tongues or healing or prophesying over someone, we just didn't talk about it.

Needless to say, it brought about a curiosity regarding those "different" gifts. I mean, it says right there in the Bible, in First Corinthians, that tongues and healing and prophecy are from the Lord, and considered just as much a spiritual blessing as the gifts of encouragement or mercy (my particular specialties). They must be legitimate then, right?

So why are they so "hush-hush" in certain communities? Why are they considered so weird? I've been thinking about it a lot, as God's been bringing people with these gifts into my life in really random ways over the last week. One of my sister's co-workers goes to Bethel and was sharing stories about the healing God has done through her. And a friend of a friend, who joined us for a little park playdate yesterday can speak in tongues on demand. (The little kid in me wanted to hear what it sounded like and was tempted to ask her to say my name in her heavenly language, but I restrained myself). And a couple days ago, I found that two people I know personally, one of which I've known for years, have both spoken in tongues at one point in their lives. All four of these people are normal people--they blend in with the rest of us who strive to serve the Lord in the best way we know how. Through their lives God has been opening my eyes and my mind to the different ways He works. I'm learning that it's okay for someone to exhibit these "hush-hush" gifts, as long as they are using them for the right reasons. As long as God is getting the glory, not the person He's gifted in this special way.

But to be honest? It's still hard for me to hear people talk about healing powers. I've lived for almost eleven years now with a chronic illness that has crippling effects on my everyday life. We spend thousands of dollars a year paying for the tests and procedures and treatments I receive to keep my Crohn's at bay, not to mention all the money we spend on my husband's insulin and syringes, as he's a Type-1 diabetic. So why hasn't God chosen to heal me? Or my husband? I have never, in those eleven long years of pain, had someone pray over me and ask God to take my Crohn's away. If there are healers out there, why haven't any come my way?

I know, I know. Maybe I don't have enough faith. Or maybe God is using my experience for His glory, and to be healed would be against His will for my life and my role in His kingdom. It's true that I have been able to encourage others with a chronic illness, as I can relate in a way that most others can't. But when is it my turn to feel okay? When do I get to be healed?

Maybe that's why the church often has a hard time accepting these more supernatural gifts. Because we don't all get to be a part of the miracles God performs. And in our humanness and selfishness, we can't seem to understand why God would choose to let us live in our illness, or let us go a lifetime without receiving a special message from someone prophesying over us.

And in my head, I can think back to all my Sunday School lessons about our love relationship with God being about surrendering ourselves to Him, not about what we can get out of it. But during the nights I spend tossing and turning because my joints ache and it's impossible to get comfortable, and the days after those nights that I spend feeling weak and exhausted, it's hard for me to tranfer that head knowledge to my heart.

Clearly faith is NOT my gift.

But as Nate said at church last night, it would be tragic if all of us believers were identical, and gifted in the same ways. We need spiritual diversity to keep our church body headed in the right direction. Because if everyone were like me, we'd all feel encouraged and empathized with, but have little faith that God can do the impossible.

That's why being part of a church body is so important. We each bring something unique to the table, and work together to achieve God's purposes here on earth. And though I have things to work on and things yet to learn, I still have something to offer. I'm not just a "bump on a log" as they say, or in this case, a church-goer in a chair.

And I have to say it's pretty exciting.